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December 2007

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Queen Sawah

rah_ram in channel22news

Channel 22 News Issue 1

Welcome back to Channel 22 news, the only news channel that brings you up-to-date on things you could care less about. Earlier during the week a new term was invented, said term is "flipper", to quote the inventor of said term, "Some guys are just hot, they try to hide it, just to fail, some guys however can, at the flip of a coin, become hot, this is known as a flipper, when someone possesses a said amount of fake hotness".

Moving on, Christian Kane received a new nickname earlier today. The nickname is Colonel, not because he is brave and fearless, no that would be just wrong and totally too easy. No, he received this nickname because a certain someone was calling him "CFK" aka "Christian Fucking Kane" and this made another person rearranged the letters and come up with "KFC" this is not because Christian Kane is finger licking good, oh no that would be a compliment and on this news channel we do not dwell on compliments. It was just yet another way to poke fun at and I quote this "four foot midget in a ten gallon hat, with a twenty foot ego".

In other news Michael Rosenbaum has also been gifted with a nickname. This nickname came around when he tried stealing fried pies from one Jared Padalecki. Jared was not thrilled with this turn of events so he proceeded to grab Michael by the legs and drag him across the carpet. Micheal being the idiot that is, let him. He did not for some unknown reason raise his head or try and kick, punch, pick something up and hit Jared with it. He just let himself be drug around by a six foot apple blossom of a man, receiving a carpet burn on his head. He then proceeded to call a friend and ask them what he should use on it. The friend told him "new skin". Seriously folks, if you read the box of new skin it says its uses and no where can it be found "Use on Rug Burns". So he used it, realized he shouldn't and has been christened "Rugby".

In other non-celeb news, two friends were talking (yes Channel 22 News had nothing better to do but interview two strange women) and had an in depth discussion on if we evolved from monkeys shouldn't there not be monkeys now? One suggested that a monkey given the option to evolve into man would not very well look at a higher being and say, 'you know what... I don't want to be human. I like being furry, I like slinging poo at other monkeys, I like not being able to speak, I like not cooking my food, and I like swinging from trees, if anything could you make me a sloth'. We do not stand with either/or on this subject but thought it news worthy.

In contest news, Jared Padalecki still holds the title "Burping Champion". However Michael Rosenbaum would like to attest this title saying "He cheated! He used the wrong end!". We feel for you Mike, we understand there was nothing else you could do but flee the room. We however hope Jensen is doing better after the smell caused him to pass out on the couch, (our prayers are with him).

This is Sarah Williams with channel 22 news saying when in doubt, count us out. Good Evening and Goodbye."

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