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December 2007

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Queen Sawah

rah_ram in channel22news

Channel 22 News Issue 2

Welcome back, this is Channel 22 News. The only news channel that brings you up-to-date on things you could care less about. I am Sarah Williams and this promises to be a strange newscast. This news cast is being brought to you from the waiting room of a hospital. No one is injured, I just like hanging out in random waiting rooms.

Starting off this evening, Michael Rosenbaum is safely out of the woods. His rug burn has been healing and even the new skin seems not to have slowed the healing process. Here's to Mike! Next time you are in altercation with a seven foot apple blossom of a man, the cast and crew here at Channel 22 News hope you will remember to raise your head.

The living impaired deserve to make an entrance into this issue. GG, aka Maggie the grand, has been playing her pranks and has been making this ace reporter giggle like a schoolgirl. The last big encore that she performed, featured a readers mother-in-law. GG being the creative spirit made her face appear in the mother-in-law's soup. Said mother-in-law poured her soup down the drain, and refused to believe what she saw. GG decided then would be a good time to make herself appear in front of the mother-in-law over and over again. Said mother-in-law ran out of the kitchen cussing and looking, well, like she just seen a ghost.

Since we are on the subject of the living impaired. A wonderful writer has wrote a wondrous fic about Jensen Ackles passing away, and haunting Jared Padalecki. This is a must read. I was granted the privilege of reading this fic and I must say to despite the killing of one Jensen Ross Ackles, it totally rocked. Without giving to much away I will say that in this story: Jared and Jensen fight for two months, Jensen dies, Jensen haunts Jared, Jared has a mini breakdown, Jared trys his best to bring his best friend turned lover back from the dead. However rather he succeeds at this you will have to read and find out for yourself. I will say that this writer is known to keep characters and events as real as possible, this is why I enjoy reading her works so very much. Be on the lookout for tempestquill's "So Close No Matter How Far". However this ace reporter has dubbed it "Kill Jensen Volume I".

We interviewed the two strange women yet again, as a follow up to our last piece and this week they were discussing the keeping of balance. Such as if one that was never able to walk, was granted the gift of walking, would that in turn cause someone else on the other side of the world to lose their ability to walk. If everything in the universe is supposed to be balanced then it would reason that this event would have to occur. The two ladies debated this, neither one giving into the other and oddly enough neither lady actually had an opinion. This confused us profusely and we hope never to understand their logic.

Moving on. This week in the contest section we have Jared Padalecki as the still undefeated burp champion. Mike has claimed that one day Jared will lose this title, but we in the newsroom, have to disagree with him. However there is a newscaster at this station that we believe would give Jared a run for his money.

In non-related news. A pagan awoke today after having a dream she was afflicted with stigmata. She had bruising around her wrists and decided she needed a milkshake, only to discover she did not have milk. She is inclined to say Jesus and Rugby "aka Michael Rosenbaum" stole said milk. However this ace reporter is inclined to believe it is the work of theaters.

This week, we in the newsroom have decided that we will have the top 10 body parts that crazy fangirls would try and maul off of Jensen Ackles. Next week we will have the 10 body parts most likely to be mauled off if fangirls were to flock around Jared Padalecki when he has no bodyguards that resemble a flipp'n tank around him.

List of Jensen Ackles' Body Parts That Crazy Fangirls Want to Maul Off:

10: Skin
09: Nipples
08: Balls
07: Toes
06: Nose
05: Feet
04: Ears
03: Fingers
02: Penis
01: Lips

Strange Woman number 1 said fangirls are turning into Mike Tyson wannabes.

Coming next week...

Neck-tie Rodeo featuring Jensen Ackles, a make up girl, a neck tie, and breath play. (also find out why Michael Rosenbaum buys Jensen Ackles a neck-tie every year for Christmas)

Tom Welling and the reason he was found in a trailer wearing a dress.

The beginning of nicknames fangirls (or anyone) can use for Michael Rosenbaum.

Jensen doesn't like to be called pretty, unless it's coming from Jared.

And finally, Fic Highlights, in this section I will be suggesting fics that I have recently read (rather they be new or old) and provide links to the actually fic and author, along with a brief description.

This has been Sarah Williams with channel 22 news saying be kind, rewind. Good Evening and Goodbye."




1. None of this is true, however it could be true, and I (and you) do not know this.

2. This is all in my deluded mind in a place called Sarah World, friends find it hilarious so I figure why not share it with the rest of the outside world.

3. The name Channel 22 News came from a 1961 novel Catch 22 by Joseph Heller.

4. If you honestly believe this is true, the whole taking the name from the novel Catch 22 should tell you its not. To read about Catch 22 see the brief description in the newsroom.

Comments

Dude! I fucking love you! And check out the icon! He's still out to get me!

On GG, Gah, she's a freaking amazing chica! I swear to make YOU giggle like a schoolgirl! Wow! I bow to her!

And in all awesomeness! Dammit Mike! Remember Raise your head and Salute your shorts!