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December 2007

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Queen Sawah

rah_ram in channel22news

Channel 22 News Issue 3

This is Sarah Williams once again reporting for Channel 22 News, at least until they find someone better to replace me. We in the newsroom (along with our lawyers) make a request for all readers to read the disclaimers and other bullshit. This newsletter is not real. Or at least in the normal world. If it was real, believe me when I state we would not be reporting it. Oh who am I kidding we would so report it. Anyways NOT REAL!

In the past two issues we have discussed (or well laughed at the expense of) Michael Rosenbaum's rug burn that he received from the seven foot apple blossom of a man, Jared Padalecki. Our sources decided to ask him why he didn't raise his head and he said and quote "It was kinda hard with Flipper, aka Jared Padalecki, jerking him around." Now this ace reporter has been in altercations similar and have found when you are laying on your back and a person is jerking you around by your legs, your back usually suffers. So this ace reporter says, "nice cover, Rugby, want to try again?"

Ever wonder why there are no news worthy stories about Jensen Ackles? Well I'll tell you. He refuses to do or say anything in front of Channel 22 News sources that would give a good story to report on. However, Jensen does have friends, and our sources are trying their damnest to get second hand stories from them. This week we have two stories to report on, yes happy readers two. Can you believe it? Our sources have really out did themselves this time.

Story one. Ever wonder what Michael Rosenbaum gives for Christmas Presents? Well we don't know what he gives everyone else but we can tell you what he gets Jensen Ackles and why he gets that particular item for him. Apparently Jensen Ackles has a few kinks that we do not know about. One being he enjoys breathe play. Our sources tell us that they heard that Michael Rosenbaum walked in on Jensen Ackles and a make-up girl in an incriminating position? Yes lets call it an incriminating position. We don't want to go into too many details but we will say a neck-tie was involved, and our sources refer to this incident as The Neck-tie Rodeo. Thus encouraging Michael Rosenbaum to invest in a tie for Jensen Ackles when Christmas came around.

Moving on. Story two. Every wonder what Jensen Ackles sings after drinking with one Christian Kane aka Colonel? Well we at Channel 22 News hope to shed some light on the subject. Our sources actually physically heard Jensen singing Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. We are sorry that we have no other details for you but this happened a couple months ago and all details have been lost, or forgotten, or this ace reporter is just too damn lazy to call the sources and clarify any other details that might have happened. All I can said is, Jensen, I hope you found the shaker of salt.

In other news, we at the newsroom have decided to give away why Tom Welling was found in his trailer dressed in drag. Apparently Michael Rosenbaum has quite the sense of humor and one night when Tom and he was drinking, Tom happened to pass out. Being the kind of person to not waste a chance of a lifetime, Mike tugged and wrestled Tom back into his trailer where he might have dressed Tom in a dress. I'm sure everyone had a good laugh when they came to set the next morning.

Moving on to the bizarre news. Strange lady number one asked strange lady number two what canadians called "Canadian Bacon". Strange lady number two did not know and couldn't even fathom a smart-ass remark, so we at the newsroom asked our wonderful sources to find out, and after two days they have an answer for us. From Simba's (WWE Smackdown) mouth, "It's ham, so wanna.." and we stop there in fear of Trixie (WWE RAW) finding out, no one wishes to see Simba in the hospital, well except maybe this ace reporter. (Nicknames have been used because our sources asked us nicely, and this ace reporter loves the sources and would crawl to the end of the world to save them... well until said ace reporter got lazy or bored.)

In contest news. Michael Rosenbaum finally wins a burping contest. Although he's the one that said if it came from the wrong end it shouldn't count. However he claims it does count and how is this ace reporter supposed to challenge that kind of reverse logical thinking? Anyways the contest ended with Jensen Ackles passing out (lord that boy is going to end up in the hospital), Jared Padalecki running upstairs and Michael Rosenbaum laughing and shouting "Hot air rises!"

Here we go again! Top ten body parts that any fangirl would jump at the chance to lick, touch, kiss, maul, or any other verb you can think of. This week it's all about Jared Padalecki. (The wonderful people over at padacklesrps was kind enough to help me with their stellar opinions.)

10. face
09. arms
08. shoulders
07. chest
06. abs
05. dimples
04. neck
03. mouth/lips
02. hands/fingers
01. hipbones

Fic Highlights:

In just 462 words, wildwordwomyn has wrote an emotional story titled "Constant Craving" I would recommend this to anybody who likes reading schmoopy angst. Fair warning, if you like to read ratings of NC-17, this fic is not for you. However its only 462 words, and I believe anyone, regardless of what they usually enjoy reading, can make it through this one. Run on over and check out "Constant Craving", I would never lead you astray.

Have you ever wondered what a IM conversation between Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki would be like. Well sammyndeangrl1 has a hilarious fic titled "Don't You Just Love Technology?" I was laughing by the end of reading this, and I suggest everyone to read it, and if you have already read it, then read it again.

I must apologize to all readers. Our sources are incredible, and root around until they find many stories that the public would like to know about. However this ace reporter is not organized so many stories fall through the cracks. My hope is that the readers understand, and that Channel 22 News' sources will inform the newsroom if something has been left out, so we can add it to the next issue.

This has been Sarah Williams with Channel 22 news saying, don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Goodnight and Goodbye.

1. None of this is true, however it could be true, and I (and you) do not know this.

2. This is all in my deluded mind in a place called Sarah World, friends find it hilarious so I figure why not share it with the rest of the outside world.

3. The name Channel 22 News came from a 1961 novel Catch 22 by Joseph Heller.

4. If you honestly believe this is true, the whole taking the name from the novel Catch 22 should tell you its not. To read about Catch 22 see the brief description in the newsroom.


I loves you! But I think it was Tommy in the dress and not Mike, if you feel compelled to correct anything. LOL! Sarah! You are made of so many things of AWESOME! I swears! I adores you!
lol Fixed it. At least there was only one mistake. :-). Don't want it getting back to Rugby that I screwed up.. no.. no... that lead to bad things.
ok this was waaay hysterical. still trying to pick myself up off the floor with the stuff about tom welling dressed in drag. lmao

oh, and i stole the salt from jensen. it's in MY TRAILER. you can tell him to just come n get it.